Written By Niklas
April 16, 2018, 9:41 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
Talk of the Valardin sense of humor makes me think of an old story that happened a long time ago and involved people who are definitely long dead now so no one should get offended or anything.
One day the Baron of Acorn Hill and the Count of Oakhaven were out on a grand hunting trip in the Oathwoods. As the sun began to set they were getting ready to turn back when the Count hears the noises of a boar. The hunt is on and at the end of the day the Count brings down a great beast with his prize boarspear. Looking at the monster the Baron, an earthy man of there ever was one, cries out, "Just look at the size of that son of a bitch!"
The Count turns on his vassal, expression stern. "I know we are friends, Baron, and you are excited but do remember that I am your liege lord and have some decorum."
The Baron, thinking quickly, says, "I do apologize my lord, but that is what this type of boar is called! A son of a bitch boar!"
The Count nods slowly and claps the Baron on his back. "Well then, tonight we dine well, old friend! But we should share such a bounty!"
Fortunately their trip had taken them into Lyonesse lands so they made their way to Lyon's Redoubt, where they greeted the Marquis.
"The Baron and I were out hunting," exclaimed the Count, "and just look at the size of the son of a bitch we brought down!"
The Marquis of Lyon's Redoubt was shocked to hear such language from his normally reserved Count and on expressing his shock was mollified to hear that this was what the boar was called. Happily he told the Count and the Baron that the Duchess of Artshall was set to visit, so he would clean the boar and the Duchess, known far and wide for her skill as a cook, would make something amazing for that night's meal.
Sure enough the Duchess shows up with her retinue just as the Marquis finishes cleaning the boar and he excitedly tells her the news. "Duchess Laurent," he cried out on seeing her, "wait until you see the son of a bitch that the Count and Baron brought. The Baron tracked the son of a bitch, the Count killed the son of a bitch and I have cleaned the son of a bitch and now I'm hoping you'll do us the great honor of preparing the son of a bitch!"
As the Marquis went on and on the Duchess' eyes grew wider, her mouth tighter, her cheeks redder. Finally she had had enough and lambasted the man for talking such a way in front of his liege. The Marquis was quick to explain that this was the proper name of the boar. Immediately placated and a little embarrassed at her error, the Duchess said that OF COURSE she would fix a grand meal for the whole group, the centerpiece of a great feast!
Just as the group is sitting down to their meal there comes a great rapping at the door. Who is it but the Prince of Sanctum himself. But that's not all, for Prince Valardin happens to be taking Queen Alarice, the legendary Queen of the Compact herself, on a tour of his lands. The Duchess, excited to have a chance to show off her skill for the Queen, excitedly tells the Prince and the Queen about their meal. "Earlier today the Baron tracked down this enormous son of a bitch and after a fight with the son of a bitch the Count manages to bring it down! He took the son of a bitch to the Marquis who cleaned the big son of a bitch and asked me to cook the son of a bitch which I did gladly! And now that the two of you are here I would be so very honored if the two of you would join us in enjoying this fine son of a bitch!"
As she told her tale the expression on the face of the Valardin prince grew more and more horrified. Searching desperately for some excuse he looked to Queen Alarice only to see her giving the Duchess a searching, narrow-eyed glare. He slowly breathed in, found his voice and turned to address the Duchess when the Queen interrupted him by sitting down in a seat at the table, kicking up her feet and saying, "You know what? You fuckers are all right!"
One day the Baron of Acorn Hill and the Count of Oakhaven were out on a grand hunting trip in the Oathwoods. As the sun began to set they were getting ready to turn back when the Count hears the noises of a boar. The hunt is on and at the end of the day the Count brings down a great beast with his prize boarspear. Looking at the monster the Baron, an earthy man of there ever was one, cries out, "Just look at the size of that son of a bitch!"
The Count turns on his vassal, expression stern. "I know we are friends, Baron, and you are excited but do remember that I am your liege lord and have some decorum."
The Baron, thinking quickly, says, "I do apologize my lord, but that is what this type of boar is called! A son of a bitch boar!"
The Count nods slowly and claps the Baron on his back. "Well then, tonight we dine well, old friend! But we should share such a bounty!"
Fortunately their trip had taken them into Lyonesse lands so they made their way to Lyon's Redoubt, where they greeted the Marquis.
"The Baron and I were out hunting," exclaimed the Count, "and just look at the size of the son of a bitch we brought down!"
The Marquis of Lyon's Redoubt was shocked to hear such language from his normally reserved Count and on expressing his shock was mollified to hear that this was what the boar was called. Happily he told the Count and the Baron that the Duchess of Artshall was set to visit, so he would clean the boar and the Duchess, known far and wide for her skill as a cook, would make something amazing for that night's meal.
Sure enough the Duchess shows up with her retinue just as the Marquis finishes cleaning the boar and he excitedly tells her the news. "Duchess Laurent," he cried out on seeing her, "wait until you see the son of a bitch that the Count and Baron brought. The Baron tracked the son of a bitch, the Count killed the son of a bitch and I have cleaned the son of a bitch and now I'm hoping you'll do us the great honor of preparing the son of a bitch!"
As the Marquis went on and on the Duchess' eyes grew wider, her mouth tighter, her cheeks redder. Finally she had had enough and lambasted the man for talking such a way in front of his liege. The Marquis was quick to explain that this was the proper name of the boar. Immediately placated and a little embarrassed at her error, the Duchess said that OF COURSE she would fix a grand meal for the whole group, the centerpiece of a great feast!
Just as the group is sitting down to their meal there comes a great rapping at the door. Who is it but the Prince of Sanctum himself. But that's not all, for Prince Valardin happens to be taking Queen Alarice, the legendary Queen of the Compact herself, on a tour of his lands. The Duchess, excited to have a chance to show off her skill for the Queen, excitedly tells the Prince and the Queen about their meal. "Earlier today the Baron tracked down this enormous son of a bitch and after a fight with the son of a bitch the Count manages to bring it down! He took the son of a bitch to the Marquis who cleaned the big son of a bitch and asked me to cook the son of a bitch which I did gladly! And now that the two of you are here I would be so very honored if the two of you would join us in enjoying this fine son of a bitch!"
As she told her tale the expression on the face of the Valardin prince grew more and more horrified. Searching desperately for some excuse he looked to Queen Alarice only to see her giving the Duchess a searching, narrow-eyed glare. He slowly breathed in, found his voice and turned to address the Duchess when the Queen interrupted him by sitting down in a seat at the table, kicking up her feet and saying, "You know what? You fuckers are all right!"
Written By Lavinia
April 16, 2018, 9:37 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Vano
I have a joke in response to my brother's.
Who will find his entire mattress stuffed with manure when he goes to bed tonight?
Hmmmm. I hope he goes to bed tonight before he checks the whites.
Who will find his entire mattress stuffed with manure when he goes to bed tonight?
Hmmmm. I hope he goes to bed tonight before he checks the whites.
Written By Corban
April 16, 2018, 9:12 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Margret
I am so pleaded to hear that my cousin-in-law, Margret, will take the reins as a Voice of Greenmarch. She has been doing fantastic work in the Physician's Guild, and will help lead the Greenwood with distinction.
Congratulations, too, to my wife, Lady Monique, on her service to her home. The Greenwood is better off for her guidance. I know she will serve with equal distinction as Telmar's Minister of Coin.
Congratulations, too, to my wife, Lady Monique, on her service to her home. The Greenwood is better off for her guidance. I know she will serve with equal distinction as Telmar's Minister of Coin.
Written By Sparte
April 16, 2018, 8:59 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
Sigils and signs, heraldry and lost houses. Putting these books together is a labor to be sure, and I wonder how many have tried to do similar in the past. I hope it proves useful to someone. I certainly wished for such a resources when I came to Arx the first time, and again when I became involved assisting the scholars.
I hope someone will pick up this work after me as well. I claim no ownership to future revisions of it, I just want it to exist.
I hope someone will pick up this work after me as well. I claim no ownership to future revisions of it, I just want it to exist.
Written By Ida
April 16, 2018, 8:05 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Edain
Your Grace, that may be my favorite joke of all time. Ha! Definitely in the top ten.
Because he's a liar! Hahaha. Yes, Scholar, please put in the ayches and the ayes all squished together.
Because he's a liar! Hahaha. Yes, Scholar, please put in the ayches and the ayes all squished together.
Written By Edain
April 16, 2018, 7:50 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
Since were are sharing jokes. This is one that Valen used to tell me when I was a boy to make me laugh.
There was a man from Sanctum who wanted to get a new dog for his family, but most of the breeders were way to expensive for him so he started asking around and he was told that someone was selling a talking dog for only 20 silver. Now naturally this man was to smart too know this wasn't a hoax, but he'd had no luck so he figured going to see whatever this con man was trying to peddle would at least be amusing. So he asked around until he got directions to the man's home, a small farm house in a hamlet on the outskirts of Sanctum.
He approached the house where he saw the man sitting upon his porch and said, "Goodman? I understand you are selling a talking dog for 20 silver?" The man looked up and said, "Yup. C'mon in." He showed the man into a common room where there was a shaggy mutt sleeping by the the hearth and then left, leaving the man with the dog.
"Excuse me." the man said smiling to himself, "Are you the talking dog." The dog looked up at him and said, "Hey, how's it going?"
Completely stunned the man sputtered and then finally spit out, "By the gods! You can really talk! That's amazing! What's your story?"
The dog gave a little wurf and then began speaking, "Well, I was originally the dog of Dame Sugan, because I was really good at sniffing out demons. Then I traveled around Arvum for a few years, and then I ended up being the dog of Queen Alarice, where they called me 'elf biter' because I personal drove a bunch of 'em from the Sovereign Bridge in Arx. Then during the great fire, I saved a bunch of books with the best stew recipes ever created. Yup I have lived a pretty amazing life!"
The man was just completely flabbergasted, and walked out of the room and found the dogs owner, "This is amazing! Your dog can actually talk! Why would you sell him for only 20 silver?" The owner just sighed and said:
"Because he's a big LIAR!"
It is probably funnier the way my brother told it.
There was a man from Sanctum who wanted to get a new dog for his family, but most of the breeders were way to expensive for him so he started asking around and he was told that someone was selling a talking dog for only 20 silver. Now naturally this man was to smart too know this wasn't a hoax, but he'd had no luck so he figured going to see whatever this con man was trying to peddle would at least be amusing. So he asked around until he got directions to the man's home, a small farm house in a hamlet on the outskirts of Sanctum.
He approached the house where he saw the man sitting upon his porch and said, "Goodman? I understand you are selling a talking dog for 20 silver?" The man looked up and said, "Yup. C'mon in." He showed the man into a common room where there was a shaggy mutt sleeping by the the hearth and then left, leaving the man with the dog.
"Excuse me." the man said smiling to himself, "Are you the talking dog." The dog looked up at him and said, "Hey, how's it going?"
Completely stunned the man sputtered and then finally spit out, "By the gods! You can really talk! That's amazing! What's your story?"
The dog gave a little wurf and then began speaking, "Well, I was originally the dog of Dame Sugan, because I was really good at sniffing out demons. Then I traveled around Arvum for a few years, and then I ended up being the dog of Queen Alarice, where they called me 'elf biter' because I personal drove a bunch of 'em from the Sovereign Bridge in Arx. Then during the great fire, I saved a bunch of books with the best stew recipes ever created. Yup I have lived a pretty amazing life!"
The man was just completely flabbergasted, and walked out of the room and found the dogs owner, "This is amazing! Your dog can actually talk! Why would you sell him for only 20 silver?" The owner just sighed and said:
"Because he's a big LIAR!"
It is probably funnier the way my brother told it.
Written By Sabella
April 16, 2018, 7:49 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
The hug competition will be open to all!
I shall send you a messenger shortly, Princess Caith, proposing times and places. I should think bets should be made and the proceeds might go to the clinic, where people go for things hugs can't heal? Healers are just huggers with herbs! And a lot of knowledge about things. They wrap you in bandages and love.
None Greater Than Grayson (hugs)
I shall send you a messenger shortly, Princess Caith, proposing times and places. I should think bets should be made and the proceeds might go to the clinic, where people go for things hugs can't heal? Healers are just huggers with herbs! And a lot of knowledge about things. They wrap you in bandages and love.
None Greater Than Grayson (hugs)
Written By Jonathan
April 16, 2018, 7:26 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
Come on, this is hardly Neigh-borly behavior.
Written By Derovai
April 16, 2018, 7:22 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Veronica
If I've met Master Fieldstone -- and I have -- I don't think he'll be cowed by that.
Written By Oriana
April 16, 2018, 7:08 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
I am returned to Arx and find it refreshingly changed and unchanged. Today, while rather minding my own business I witnessed a disparagement cast by Princess Reese Grayson upon the sneakiness of one Lady Isabetta Gilden. Whether this is something that warrants affront or not, affront was taken and a challenge issued forthwith. A fine welcome back to beloved Arx!
But to my great surprise, I found myself drafted onto Princess Reese's Hide & Seek team and can only hope that our assured victory is not so complete that the award must be given posthumously.
If anyone can train me in the finer arts of staying hidden, I would greatly appreciate it.
But to my great surprise, I found myself drafted onto Princess Reese's Hide & Seek team and can only hope that our assured victory is not so complete that the award must be given posthumously.
If anyone can train me in the finer arts of staying hidden, I would greatly appreciate it.
Written By Venturo
April 16, 2018, 6:52 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Veronica
I don't know my Lady, I was rather mooved by his humor. I'm quite bullish on Master Fieldstone's potential as a comedian.
Written By Veronica
April 16, 2018, 6:46 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Jonathan
You go and stand in the corner of the barn now. Your barnyard humor is udderly inappropriate.
Written By Shae
April 16, 2018, 6:42 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
I've been asked what happened to the pygmy goats I took with me when I left for the woods.
I out there over winter, without a proper plan or gear, but a good tracker doesn't need much. It wasn't a terrible season as far as winters go, but they can be hard and the pack I followed got hungry. I lost Mags to a bitch that birthed in the wrong season and I Rain was sacrificed for my own survival. I've no regrets, their deaths were painless. It was a lesson, to be sure, but not one I didn't already learn. Suppose it's fitting, in a way, with how I left and the whys.
I out there over winter, without a proper plan or gear, but a good tracker doesn't need much. It wasn't a terrible season as far as winters go, but they can be hard and the pack I followed got hungry. I lost Mags to a bitch that birthed in the wrong season and I Rain was sacrificed for my own survival. I've no regrets, their deaths were painless. It was a lesson, to be sure, but not one I didn't already learn. Suppose it's fitting, in a way, with how I left and the whys.
Written By Thena
April 16, 2018, 6:23 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Mae
We the unhugged masses.
Personally I'm fine with it, but I understand that I do not represent the Crownsworn as a whole when it comes to embraces.
Personally I'm fine with it, but I understand that I do not represent the Crownsworn as a whole when it comes to embraces.
Written By Mae
April 16, 2018, 6:16 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
Relationship Note on Caith
On Princess Caith's love for all of Arx:
It would seem the Princess loves each and every fealty. Those of us sworn to Arx's sovereign? I presumed beneath mention and thoroughly unloved.
Though I cannot say I disagree with the princess' suggestion that duels should follow offense.
Is it my duty to challenge you to a hug duel, Princess Caith? Or are we poor Crownsworn too low to hug?
It would seem the Princess loves each and every fealty. Those of us sworn to Arx's sovereign? I presumed beneath mention and thoroughly unloved.
Though I cannot say I disagree with the princess' suggestion that duels should follow offense.
Is it my duty to challenge you to a hug duel, Princess Caith? Or are we poor Crownsworn too low to hug?
Written By Vano
April 16, 2018, 5:25 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
I got a joke.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because my sister bathed in it.
Wait...I don't think that's how it's supposed to go....
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because my sister bathed in it.
Wait...I don't think that's how it's supposed to go....
Written By Caith
April 16, 2018, 4:37 p.m.(7/24/1008 AR)
My goodness. I step away from the whites for a moment and chaos breaks out! Saoirse makes a joke about Valardin and then it seems that all of Valardin, instead of making witty comebacks, takes up arms to .. prove her joke? I cannot believe you are really THAT stiff and stuffy, dear hearts!
Oh, darling citizens of Arx! How I love you all!
I adore Velenosa, for their razor sharp wit!
I adore Valardin, for their stubborn and unrelenting defense of virtue!
I adore Redrain, for their wild devotion to courage, bravery and beards!
I adore Grayson, for thinking they are the best at everything!
I adore Thrax, for actually being the best! (I love you guys)
With all that said, allow me to offer a suggestion: when people are offended by something -- either in their day to day dealings with others or by things they read in the whites, issue a challenge! Take it to a duel!
My preferred method: hugging.
Which reminds me: Sabella. We need to schedule our Hug Battle Royale. Soon. Name the time and the place!
Beware Thrax hugs -- tears in our wake, never at our wake.
Oh, darling citizens of Arx! How I love you all!
I adore Velenosa, for their razor sharp wit!
I adore Valardin, for their stubborn and unrelenting defense of virtue!
I adore Redrain, for their wild devotion to courage, bravery and beards!
I adore Grayson, for thinking they are the best at everything!
I adore Thrax, for actually being the best! (I love you guys)
With all that said, allow me to offer a suggestion: when people are offended by something -- either in their day to day dealings with others or by things they read in the whites, issue a challenge! Take it to a duel!
My preferred method: hugging.
Which reminds me: Sabella. We need to schedule our Hug Battle Royale. Soon. Name the time and the place!
Beware Thrax hugs -- tears in our wake, never at our wake.
Written By Aleksei
April 16, 2018, 4:32 p.m.(7/23/1008 AR)
For the record: all of my jokes are hilarious, and none of them require apology.
What do you mean, I can't forbid just Orazio from reading this entry?
What do you mean, I can't forbid just Orazio from reading this entry?
Written By Denica
April 16, 2018, 4:23 p.m.(7/23/1008 AR)
It would seem that now we are to apologize for making bad jokes? With that being the case I would like to tender an apology in advance for every joke that I shall make henceforth. I mean, somebody might find them funny, but should anybody else disagree than this clearly means it was a bad joke all along.
It is the truth, surely. If there is anybody that we should be taking our advice in good humor from, it's the Valardins.
Incidentally, I feel that I should also remind some people that there is a thing known as sarcasm.
It is the truth, surely. If there is anybody that we should be taking our advice in good humor from, it's the Valardins.
Incidentally, I feel that I should also remind some people that there is a thing known as sarcasm.
Written By Astraea
April 16, 2018, 4:09 p.m.(7/23/1008 AR)
Prince Ectorion will not be dying suddenly! Although it's always possible for any of the Compact's warriors considering all of the conflicts being waged on Arvum at the moment. People die. It's always sad but my husband was slain in battle, my poor cousin Lucita's husband was more recently slain in battle, my sister Echo. Yea. Her husband died in battle too.
Pietro. Vincere....the losses go on and we have all suffered from them.
I don't find it funny to jest about the misfortune of people who have died protecting the very same way of life that allows us to do so in the first place. Normally I am content to live and let live, but this was something that I was experiencing emotionally and felt I needed to document. For anyone reading my white journal now or in the future this shouldn't serve as commentary on the persons involved, just an observation and perhaps a way to state my displeasure in a productive manner!
Pietro. Vincere....the losses go on and we have all suffered from them.
I don't find it funny to jest about the misfortune of people who have died protecting the very same way of life that allows us to do so in the first place. Normally I am content to live and let live, but this was something that I was experiencing emotionally and felt I needed to document. For anyone reading my white journal now or in the future this shouldn't serve as commentary on the persons involved, just an observation and perhaps a way to state my displeasure in a productive manner!
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.