Written By Hana
Nov. 24, 2016, 12:47 a.m.(3/14/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Aureth
It's strange, having a father where you never had one before. Knowing that half of you came from this person.
I don't really know Aureth Grayhope well yet. I've heard all kinds of things about him since I arrived in Arx, half of them contradictory.
So what do I know?
I know that when a daughter he didn't know he had showed up with questions, he welcomed her into his life. (I mean, first he nearly choked on his cider and fled the tavern to regain his composure, but eventually.) I know that he's tried to help how he could, being supportive in her efforts to open a shop. I know that when she had awkward questions about the family she never knew, he did his best to answer them.
He may not have been a very good father in the past -- or any kind of father at all, since he didn't know I existed -- but he's doing his best to be supportive now.
And there are plenty worse places to start from than that.
I don't really know Aureth Grayhope well yet. I've heard all kinds of things about him since I arrived in Arx, half of them contradictory.
So what do I know?
I know that when a daughter he didn't know he had showed up with questions, he welcomed her into his life. (I mean, first he nearly choked on his cider and fled the tavern to regain his composure, but eventually.) I know that he's tried to help how he could, being supportive in her efforts to open a shop. I know that when she had awkward questions about the family she never knew, he did his best to answer them.
He may not have been a very good father in the past -- or any kind of father at all, since he didn't know I existed -- but he's doing his best to be supportive now.
And there are plenty worse places to start from than that.
Written By Natalia
Nov. 24, 2016, 12:12 a.m.(3/13/1005 AR)
I wonder if anyone has ever had a situation that they are just not sure how to deal with? Like that moment that you are in it and thinking how surreal it is and how there is nothing to combat it.
I have been asked many times why I want to meet with people. I have been watched with skeptical eyes for each of these meetings. Or asked why I am helping one person. What I am trying to gain.
It is truly frustrating. Graysons are adventurers. I am not skilled in tactic or war or really even scouting. My adventures are not something that will bring heroics to my name; and truly I am fine with that. However, I am so vastly interested in everything about a person. Not just a secret or how to use them. They are people. I like to know what they love doing. What motivates them to succeed. What they worry about. If they need help in some area that I can provide or know where to direct them to someone who can.
I was asked recently what angle I was working. When I swore there was none. That I was giving my honesty in that I just wanted to help and learn about people; they called bullshit and told me I was a liar.
There are things I have errored in and people's truths I took as truth when perhaps they were not. Perhaps my guilt in that is in that I trusted people I should not have trusted. This has made me realize two things, one must strive very hard not to become bitter and see shadows all around them. Also, when you error, no one will help you learn. They will just condemn you and point the finger and tell you how you are wrong. How you were misled and foolish. They do not say that they understand how you could be misled. They do not give you what the actual truth is, even when you beg for it. I am not sure how I feel about this.
I am also not sure how you respond when you are telling the truth and they are calling you a liar. I have done one thing since my first day in the city that has never changed. I have taken tea with everyone. Ask around. Most will tell you I have met with them. They will probably tell you that I took an interest in their life and if you continue to actually ask around; you will find I have not used their information against them. If anything, I have tried to offer support or direction when I can. I have been open with my heart, with my coin and with my time. So what else must I do for these naysayers to finally stop telling me I am lying when I am telling the truth?
What do you do when you are not lying on intention and being told you are? There is never a way to speak against it; but I believe my actions in general have spoken. When confused, I have even sought answers and said I did not know what to do. Some helped. I adore them. Most... most just offer insult when I need clarification.
Maybe this is a bad idea to post in a journal that shows my actual thoughts, but I am not just a Princess of Grayson. I am a girl. I am someone who has lost their family, buried parents, lost a brother in a different way and have been at times misled by people that I sought to trust. I am still a person. I think perhaps people refuse to see that about their fellow men and women. We are, when stripped bare of title and birthright, only human. Perhaps more understanding and love and willingness to share over questioning intent, bitterness, fear and such could go a long way.
I have been asked many times why I want to meet with people. I have been watched with skeptical eyes for each of these meetings. Or asked why I am helping one person. What I am trying to gain.
It is truly frustrating. Graysons are adventurers. I am not skilled in tactic or war or really even scouting. My adventures are not something that will bring heroics to my name; and truly I am fine with that. However, I am so vastly interested in everything about a person. Not just a secret or how to use them. They are people. I like to know what they love doing. What motivates them to succeed. What they worry about. If they need help in some area that I can provide or know where to direct them to someone who can.
I was asked recently what angle I was working. When I swore there was none. That I was giving my honesty in that I just wanted to help and learn about people; they called bullshit and told me I was a liar.
There are things I have errored in and people's truths I took as truth when perhaps they were not. Perhaps my guilt in that is in that I trusted people I should not have trusted. This has made me realize two things, one must strive very hard not to become bitter and see shadows all around them. Also, when you error, no one will help you learn. They will just condemn you and point the finger and tell you how you are wrong. How you were misled and foolish. They do not say that they understand how you could be misled. They do not give you what the actual truth is, even when you beg for it. I am not sure how I feel about this.
I am also not sure how you respond when you are telling the truth and they are calling you a liar. I have done one thing since my first day in the city that has never changed. I have taken tea with everyone. Ask around. Most will tell you I have met with them. They will probably tell you that I took an interest in their life and if you continue to actually ask around; you will find I have not used their information against them. If anything, I have tried to offer support or direction when I can. I have been open with my heart, with my coin and with my time. So what else must I do for these naysayers to finally stop telling me I am lying when I am telling the truth?
What do you do when you are not lying on intention and being told you are? There is never a way to speak against it; but I believe my actions in general have spoken. When confused, I have even sought answers and said I did not know what to do. Some helped. I adore them. Most... most just offer insult when I need clarification.
Maybe this is a bad idea to post in a journal that shows my actual thoughts, but I am not just a Princess of Grayson. I am a girl. I am someone who has lost their family, buried parents, lost a brother in a different way and have been at times misled by people that I sought to trust. I am still a person. I think perhaps people refuse to see that about their fellow men and women. We are, when stripped bare of title and birthright, only human. Perhaps more understanding and love and willingness to share over questioning intent, bitterness, fear and such could go a long way.
Written By Juliet
Nov. 23, 2016, 11:26 p.m.(3/13/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Runa
I will name her Sweet, from the stories she read me.
She soothes me. Brings me peace.
Would that I could have her read me bedtime stories every night. My sleep should ever be restful, and filled with the most wondrous imaginings.
Does my cousin know what a treasure his assistant is?
She soothes me. Brings me peace.
Would that I could have her read me bedtime stories every night. My sleep should ever be restful, and filled with the most wondrous imaginings.
Does my cousin know what a treasure his assistant is?
Written By Fortunato
Nov. 23, 2016, 5:14 p.m.(3/13/1005 AR)
Not a painting, but a full work. Entirely done in chalks and silverpoint. The subject, the Stone Grove. The standing stones stand like shaped shadows, the shadows they cast somehow fainter. The altar in the center is unshaded, pale. The most detailed part of the work is the flora, unique to the Grove, and this Fortunato has rendered in delicate detail. Wherever the flora crosses the line of a stone, the flora takes precidence. In the northeast, northwest, southeast, and southwest corners of the canvas are four heavy, messy marks, like words violently scribbled out.
Written By Blacktongue
Nov. 23, 2016, 4:57 p.m.(3/13/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Eleyna
The Princess is harder on herself than she should be, but the facade will never crack. The porcelain is too finely crafted, too beautiful to ever show a blemish. I would see her smile - even if it was out of cruelty.
Thus far, the best match to my wit and exchange of slights.
I do love to leave her pondering; do I see the spider or do I see the web?
Thus far, the best match to my wit and exchange of slights.
I do love to leave her pondering; do I see the spider or do I see the web?
Written By Joscelin
Nov. 23, 2016, 1:42 p.m.(3/12/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Natalia
Lady Eirene's entry reminded me that I have a lot to say about the Princess Natalia.
At my worst these past months, Princess Natalia was one of the first people to reach out to me. She was quiet, sweet, not overly flowery. Her message to me was very simple:
"Do you need anything?"
As the one so often reaching out, I forget sometimes that it can happen in return. While she definitely was not the only one to metaphorically offer a hand and inquire as to the state of my being, that she did at all to a virtual stranger says a lot about her. While it's not always smart to help people you don't know, it does express a caliber of character few wish to divulge and many can't show. How do you explain the sense of compassion you can feel towards a person who's only commonality with you is a pulse? You really can't. It comes off as idealistic at best and terribly naive at worse.
I daresay if we had more reckless compassion and idealism, we'd be better as a community. Natalia's efforts to better her neighbors' lives, be they commoner or noble, has not gone unnoticed.
Many try to untangle her motivations, suss it out like there's a deeper meaning behind it, but it's as simple as this:
Princess Natalia of House Grayson is a thoughtful, considerate, unique person who thinks less of herself than most would know, and courageous in ways that are quiet and yet intensely profound.
At my worst these past months, Princess Natalia was one of the first people to reach out to me. She was quiet, sweet, not overly flowery. Her message to me was very simple:
"Do you need anything?"
As the one so often reaching out, I forget sometimes that it can happen in return. While she definitely was not the only one to metaphorically offer a hand and inquire as to the state of my being, that she did at all to a virtual stranger says a lot about her. While it's not always smart to help people you don't know, it does express a caliber of character few wish to divulge and many can't show. How do you explain the sense of compassion you can feel towards a person who's only commonality with you is a pulse? You really can't. It comes off as idealistic at best and terribly naive at worse.
I daresay if we had more reckless compassion and idealism, we'd be better as a community. Natalia's efforts to better her neighbors' lives, be they commoner or noble, has not gone unnoticed.
Many try to untangle her motivations, suss it out like there's a deeper meaning behind it, but it's as simple as this:
Princess Natalia of House Grayson is a thoughtful, considerate, unique person who thinks less of herself than most would know, and courageous in ways that are quiet and yet intensely profound.
Written By Eirene
Nov. 23, 2016, 11:16 a.m.(3/12/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Natalia
Even before I had settled into my rooms in the Malvici estate, the Princess had a letter waiting for me saying she'd like to meet me. I dreaded this as what I had heard of her said we'd have nothing in common. Fashion to me means 'something that doesn't show bloodstains'. We had a very nice chat over tea, far shorter than I had expected.
So when news came that the Saiks were going to host a memorial for Sadoletto, I turned to her for help. I needed a black dress. Yes, a dress. I wear them on occasion. This was the right kind of occasion. The Saiks have always been good friends to my house and loyal retainers, and the least I can do for Sado is put on a fucking skirt so I don't look like I just rolled out of a triage tent and splashed my face with whiskey to clean up.
She not only was able to procure me one in a matter of days, it actually fit well and looked good. How these other people ever dress themselves with their mirror phobia is beyond me, but it looked good front and back. Right proper fucking ladylike. Sober wool and embroidered nicely and even a decent cut at the neckline.
I owe her one for this, whether she realizes it or not.
So when news came that the Saiks were going to host a memorial for Sadoletto, I turned to her for help. I needed a black dress. Yes, a dress. I wear them on occasion. This was the right kind of occasion. The Saiks have always been good friends to my house and loyal retainers, and the least I can do for Sado is put on a fucking skirt so I don't look like I just rolled out of a triage tent and splashed my face with whiskey to clean up.
She not only was able to procure me one in a matter of days, it actually fit well and looked good. How these other people ever dress themselves with their mirror phobia is beyond me, but it looked good front and back. Right proper fucking ladylike. Sober wool and embroidered nicely and even a decent cut at the neckline.
I owe her one for this, whether she realizes it or not.
Written By Victus
Nov. 23, 2016, 3 a.m.(3/11/1005 AR)
Some people are too clever for their own good. You don't have to slowly unravel a fucking impossible knot if all it takes is to pull out your knife and cut the thing apart instead. Rope's cheap to replace, anyway.
Just like people.
So keep things simple, I say.
On a different note (or perhaps its the same fucking note), I never considered myself the quickest of thinkers. Things others take easy often requires me to sit down and chew on it for a while. Letters swim before my fucking eyes, and give me headaches. (Not that men aught to spend much time with letters, of course, it being woman's business.) Sometimes it seems to me like those quick thinkers get sloppy, though. They rush ahead to their brilliant fucking revelation, and forget to take the time to ponder.
Then it all falls a-fucking-part.
Because what works in theory ain't always practical.
Just like people.
So keep things simple, I say.
On a different note (or perhaps its the same fucking note), I never considered myself the quickest of thinkers. Things others take easy often requires me to sit down and chew on it for a while. Letters swim before my fucking eyes, and give me headaches. (Not that men aught to spend much time with letters, of course, it being woman's business.) Sometimes it seems to me like those quick thinkers get sloppy, though. They rush ahead to their brilliant fucking revelation, and forget to take the time to ponder.
Then it all falls a-fucking-part.
Because what works in theory ain't always practical.
Written By Darren
Nov. 23, 2016, 2:32 a.m.(3/11/1005 AR)
Apparently Anze has made it a thing now to woo women with dead animals.
I wonder what a certain Princess would say if I started dropping dead things on her doorstep.
Eh, she probably wouldn't mind all that much, so long as it was made into something pretty first.
I wonder what a certain Princess would say if I started dropping dead things on her doorstep.
Eh, she probably wouldn't mind all that much, so long as it was made into something pretty first.
Written By Alis
Nov. 23, 2016, 1 a.m.(3/11/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Anze
Well, he knows how to pick a good turkey to send. I mean, what more can you ask for in someone who is already a giant warrior? Aside from the mistake of assuming I wouldn't be able to haul a deer across the city. But nobody is perfect.
Written By Alis
Nov. 23, 2016, 12:58 a.m.(3/11/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Max
There is much more in common here then I would have thought. I will only say that he is a good man. One I would neither be afraid to call friend, or come to the aid of if requested.
Written By Orazio
Nov. 23, 2016, 12:41 a.m.(3/10/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Eirene
There are some people who are pared down to their essence, with no room for extraneous frills or flourishes. Even as a much younger woman, Lady Eirene was just such a person, and I always admired her for it.
Meeting her again, I am pleased to say that she remains admirable. Perhaps even more so, with the passing of time. It is good to have her here, come what may.
Meeting her again, I am pleased to say that she remains admirable. Perhaps even more so, with the passing of time. It is good to have her here, come what may.
Written By Lark
Nov. 22, 2016, 11:18 p.m.(3/10/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Cicero
Call me jaded but I don’t know many princes who would let an unwashed beggar-child ride on their shoulders.
...am I to suppose that was for my benefit?
...am I to suppose that was for my benefit?
Written By Joscelin
Nov. 22, 2016, 11:06 p.m.(3/10/1005 AR)
...I'm sorry, what?
They said what?
No. No, that wasn't me.
Look, if I could blush -that long- in a public place, I'd be ... passed out by now. Honestly. Blood rushing up to my face? It's terrible. I can't speak, can't think. Mostly just sit there, flap my hands, and squeak.
... well I don't know, who's your source? Tavern gossip is hardly-
... Oh.
[throat is cleared]
Alrightwellmaybethatwasme.
They said what?
No. No, that wasn't me.
Look, if I could blush -that long- in a public place, I'd be ... passed out by now. Honestly. Blood rushing up to my face? It's terrible. I can't speak, can't think. Mostly just sit there, flap my hands, and squeak.
... well I don't know, who's your source? Tavern gossip is hardly-
... Oh.
[throat is cleared]
Alrightwellmaybethatwasme.
Written By Aureth
Nov. 22, 2016, 10:56 p.m.(3/10/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Hana
Almost twenty years ago, a woman was in and out of my life like a whirlwind. I was young. I wasn't particularly innocent. I'm not sure I ever have been. The point is: she was there and then gone again, and it's not that I never thought of it again, but I certainly never thought more of it.
I know that a white journal is a public speech, and while I don't think that many are particularly interested in what I have to say -- unlike others of my family, I am not a particularly entertaining source of drama -- I do not know what value it may have that I tell the world this, if there is any value to be had in it at all.
All right.
I have a daughter.
I didn't know. I might never have known. Her mother knew what I was, and probably guessed at what I was likely to become; her mother made that call.
But now she is an adult, and she has unmade that choice for herself.
I have a daughter. Her name is Hana Grayhope. I give her the name freely, if she wants to take it. I give her whatever comes with the name, whatever protection, whatever ... attendant social grace or, unfortunately, lack thereof.
A father is supposed to give you a lot of things that she's never had from me, and I have no idea what any of them are, but I'm pretty sure if anybody has anything to say against her, I'll owe them a black eye.
I don't love you, kid, because I barely know who you are. But whatever else I am, I'm here, and I'll say it public same as I would in private.
Family's what matters to me.
I know that a white journal is a public speech, and while I don't think that many are particularly interested in what I have to say -- unlike others of my family, I am not a particularly entertaining source of drama -- I do not know what value it may have that I tell the world this, if there is any value to be had in it at all.
All right.
I have a daughter.
I didn't know. I might never have known. Her mother knew what I was, and probably guessed at what I was likely to become; her mother made that call.
But now she is an adult, and she has unmade that choice for herself.
I have a daughter. Her name is Hana Grayhope. I give her the name freely, if she wants to take it. I give her whatever comes with the name, whatever protection, whatever ... attendant social grace or, unfortunately, lack thereof.
A father is supposed to give you a lot of things that she's never had from me, and I have no idea what any of them are, but I'm pretty sure if anybody has anything to say against her, I'll owe them a black eye.
I don't love you, kid, because I barely know who you are. But whatever else I am, I'm here, and I'll say it public same as I would in private.
Family's what matters to me.
Written By Natalia
Nov. 22, 2016, 10 p.m.(3/10/1005 AR)
Sometimes people just need to get gifts. Sometimes it is better to give gifts and picture the faces of the receivers.
Written By Dominique
Nov. 22, 2016, 9:08 p.m.(3/10/1005 AR)
I hate when your heart and your head want two different things. I am stuck between duty and desire. I'm in pain. (Drips of wax across the page) Someone's coming. I'll finish this thought later.
Written By Tulasam
Nov. 22, 2016, 7 p.m.(3/10/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Dawn
She sees my vision and she will support it. I need to talk with the others in this city and I want to open my show and I want my dream to seized. I need to speak with the other voices and hands. I will find them and pitch them the concept.
Written By Eirene
Nov. 22, 2016, 6:37 p.m.(3/10/1005 AR)
Relationship Note on Orazio
It was good to see him even if the circumstances surrounding are way too damn dire to even consider. I wish it was entirely different though. We were never close but we were friendly enough. Some weird late night philosophical discussions...
I see old faces of people I knew in my youth and they reassure me that -SOME- bastards here know what they're doing. And it's good to have a clergyman I can trust in a high position who can -do- something about all of this.
But as part of our conversation went; someone is taking out the old hard bastards who have lived and seen plenty of shit in their day. Leaving all these untested youth behind to face gods only know what...
How long until we're next and the funerals are for us?
I see old faces of people I knew in my youth and they reassure me that -SOME- bastards here know what they're doing. And it's good to have a clergyman I can trust in a high position who can -do- something about all of this.
But as part of our conversation went; someone is taking out the old hard bastards who have lived and seen plenty of shit in their day. Leaving all these untested youth behind to face gods only know what...
How long until we're next and the funerals are for us?
Written By Marian
Nov. 22, 2016, 4:52 p.m.(3/10/1005 AR)
Alis received an odd gift of a dead fowl today. She requested that I bear witness to her bearing it unaided to the kitchens. I do not know if this is a prank or a strange courtship ritual, but I find it exceedingly puzzling.
Please note that the scholars may take some time preparing your journal for others to read.