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Oh, come on! - Iron Guard Patrol Stories

It's just another day patrolling the lower boroughs. What could go wrong? Everything is fine. Just fine. - A PRP open to all members of the Iron Guard.


May 13, 2018, 8 p.m.

Hosted By


GM'd By



Harper Sparte Violet Kenna



Arx - Lower Boroughs - Commons Square

Largesse Level


Comments and Log

Aside from the murders in the Valardin ward and a mysterious dog-thing that went howling out of the city one night, things have been pleasantly quiet for the Iron Guard. Except for the roving bands of... /delinquents/. They've been racing around the city all week, aggravating scores of patrols with their pranks and mischief. Today they were spotted in the commons square. A cry went out from the good citizens of Arx: "IRON GUARD! THE KIDS ARE BACK! DOOOOOO SOMETHING! WHERE ARE THEIR PAAAARENTS?!" One might argue why the average person (or the parents) couldn't just tell these 'kids' to knock it off, but that would be thinking too deeply. The 'kids' are really a marauding group of young adults and right now they're painting everything in the square red. With paint. Red paint /everywhere/. On the ground, on the outside of shops, on crates and benches.

Erin, Crimson Blades Private, Jin, Cranky Crimson Blades Sergeant, Gale, The Mighty Pupper arrive, following Violet.

Wilhelm the Iron Messenger arrives, following Sparte.

Kenna pauses when she and Harper get to the square, not jumping into the fray right away when she sees the young adults quite LITEREALLY painting the town. "Damn, if they only knew that Princess Katarina had this happening //without// ruining stuff maybe we wouldn't have to be here." It's a nice conversational tone from Kenna to Harper, her PARTNER for this thing. "I'm going to try words." Then more sweetly than the kids probably deserve, "Hey there! What are you doing? Why don't we //stop// and everyone goes home happy?"

Kenna checked charm + leadership at difficulty 30, rolling 17 lower.

Violet is moving through the Lowers like a woman on a mission. That mission seems to be memorizing every street and alley, or many of them anyway. With her are four other Blades. The commandant doesn't seem like she is expecting trouble, more like they're on duty for something. So when they come across the scene Violet stops and frowns, holding up a hand to watch. Kenna is an actual Guardsman after all.

Wilhelm the Iron Messenger leaves, following Sparte.

Wilhelm the Iron Messenger arrives, following Sparte.

Sparte was a bit further away when the call went out, pushing a wheelbarrow full of... Potatoes and beets? There is no explanation given as he pulls the wagon up to a stop near the other guardsmen, glancing around at the sight ahead. "Not even the decency to put out a wet paint sign. Criminals just have no respect for their fellow man."

Harper nearly runs into the back of Kenna as she pauses on entering the square, since she was looking the other way. Spotting the kids and hearing Kenna's solution, she shrugs and follows along behind her waiting to see if it really works. "Somehow I don't think they'd be goin' to a princess party." Keeps her eyes out for any trouble though while Kenna does the talking.

"YEAH! Throw some over there on the windows! Then they'll think the whole world went red outside! Hahahaha!" Yes, this is hilarious. The vandals are laughing uproariously over the giant mess they're causing. When Kenna attempts to talk to them like they aren't petty mischief makers, they laugh even harder. One of them dips his hand into the bucket he's carrying and starts flinging the bright red paint in the direction of Kenna and Harper. "Take that LAME GUARD." Yes, the burns are /real/. Real terrible. "TIN CAN GUARD!" Bahahaha. Little jerks.

Kenna checked luck at difficulty 15, rolling 7 higher.

Harper checked luck at difficulty 15, rolling 1 higher.

Violet's eyes narrow and her lips purse as she sees the hooligans only get more riled up. "Need assistance?" She remarks calmly to Kenna and Harper. She even offer up and smile as she stands a little straighter and crosses her arms. The look she turns on the group of kids is one of utter disappointment. She has learned it well. The, 'I expected better' look. Just waiting for the okay from the actual guard before she brings out the Boss voice.

"HEY THERE." Kenna fails at being charming, but not at managing to duck the paint that they toss at her. In a clank of armor Kenna throws herself to one side when that paint gets towards them. "If they weren't so completely impossible with colors maybe they //would// have been invited!" That is tossed in Harper's direction before she notices Spart, "Hey! Sparte!" Kenna calls out way-too-cheerful after getting paint thrown at her. "Are those //potatoes//?!" Gotta focus on the important events right now, oh, and Violent. "You look a bit like a mother right now commander."

Harper lets out a healthy string of swear words as she sees the paint heading her way, but tries hard to dodge it ending up with very small,fine spatters of paint that end up looking vaguely like polka dots all over her. Sadly it almost blends in with the freckles on her cheeks. "Auuugh!"

Violet checked command + leadership at difficulty 30, rolling 9 higher.

Sparte nods to Kenna, raising a hand in a hello to her. "Evening Lady Whitehawk." At the question for what he has in the wheelbarrow he just lifts a potato out and gives it an underhanded toss over to Kenna. "You tell me. This isn't my usual patrol route, do you want a hand or do you have this handled?"

Violet snorts at Kenna's comment about looking like a mother. "Well...we'll see about that," She nods before turning her gaze on the group. "ALL RIGHT!" The below might be surprising, and deep, coming from the short blond. There is fire in those green eyes as she strides forward in her red and black uniform, armor wron beneath. Behind her, in a rough formation, move other uniformed blades. Eyes narrows she looks ready to unleash hell. "YOU hooligans are doing it -all- wrong. You are going to get yourself arrest flinging paint, when there are perfectly good buildings needing paint, and people paying to have them painted, right here in the city

Kenna has rolled a critical success!
Kenna checked dexterity + athletics at difficulty 15, rolling 47 higher.

Violet snorts at Kenna's comment about looking like a mother. "Well...we'll see about that," She nods before turning her gaze on the group. "ALL RIGHT!" The below might be surprising, and deep, coming from the short blond. There is fire in those green eyes as she strides forward in her red and black uniform, armor wron beneath. Behind her, in a rough formation, move other uniformed blades. Eyes narrows she looks ready to unleash hell. "YOU hooligans are doing it -all- wrong. You are going to get yourself arrest flinging paint, when there are perfectly good buildings needing paint, and people paying to have them painted, right here in the city. I have a whole building that needs a new coat of red, and have silver to pay. You want to spend a night in the brig, or have a full belly for the month?"

Kenna picks herself up from where she's landed in her clank of armor muttering, "I //really// need to get that set of leathers finished..." as she sets herself to rights. Oh, look! A potato is coming at her! Kenna catches the potato with apparent ease and turns it over in her hands. "I have all the questions about this later Sparte.... //damn// that's a voice commander." All the respect there for Violet's commanding voice. A little bit of a starry-eyed tone flutters in Kenna's words. "Officer Sparte, right now, you rank me - well, us." A flash of a grin at the poka-dot Harper.

"Wooooo!" With the Iron Guard standing on the other side of the commons square either talking or calling out to them, the hooligans take this opportunity to start running around. This involves some of them jumping onto the crates and dancing. They hear Violet. They hear her /loud/ and clear. It's just that the message they choose to hear is a little different from what she likely intends. "You want us to paint the buildings? We can do that!" And they do. They make a concerted effort to throw some paint on Lowers Leather.

Harper mutters and shakes out her arms, then glares over at the hoodlums. As she hears Violet bark out at them she feels her own spine stiffen a bit in response and turns around to look at her appraisingly, "Yeah gotta say, that was impressive." She still tries futilely to rub paint off of her only really succeeding in smearing it in places. "Think I'm with ya Kenna... I need leathers." Seeing Sparte she gives a quick grin, with an eyebrow quirk at the potatoes... then she sees the hoodlums start running amok again and mutters, but waits on Sparte's orders.

Sparte takes the staff off his back, a glance between Harper and Kenna. "If you really want me to handle it, fine enough. You two get ready to intercept, I'll do the usual routine of getting their attention on me. Your target is their paint, without it they're done being a nuisance." Sparte smiles to Violet. "An extra hand is always welcome with things like this, just try not to hurt them. Probably a haze fit."

"No, what is your major disruption dogshits?!" Violet replies. "STOP, face me, or you are not getting -shit-," She says with narrowed eyes. From her pouch she pulls a few silvers and fans them out. "Line up in front of me, all of you that do gets a silver. Unless of course the Lowers kids have become afraid of hard work...?" The silver get clenched in a fist slowly. Sparte's comment gets a nod. She's trying to handle it without violence, despite her nickname.

Violet checked command + leadership at difficulty 30, rolling 33 higher.

Kenna blinks when they absolutely take the WRONG message from what Violet is saying. "Well." Reaching up she scratches at the back of her neck where the armor chafes. To Harper, "We can go visit the leatherworkers together." Kenna sets a date for later, and then nods when Sparte gives that particular order. SNEAKY TIME. "I'll go left," that to Harper again as Kenna starts to go that direction so she can try to grab the paint.

Kenna checked dexterity + stealth at difficulty 30, rolling 19 lower.

Sparte checked charm + diplomacy at difficulty 30, rolling 18 higher.

A couple of the younger ones are swayed by the attractive call of silver. So they'll wander over to Violet. However there's one guy that's been doing lots of the more vocal yelling and he continues to do it, going so far as to give the Crimson Blade's commander the finger. "One silver a piece? You mercenaries really think we're happy just working for dog shit salaries! Hey you!" And he points at Harper. "Ain't you one of us? You work with this lot now?" He spots Kenna going to take his can of red paint and dives off of the crates towars her.

Kenna checked dexterity + dodge at difficulty 30, rolling 3 lower.

Harper eyes Kenna with a grin, and sets off to the right to help flank them. Contrary to Kenna's attempt to sneak she doesn't even try it... she's a walking tin can after all. She starts searching for where the kids have the cans stashed, while also watching for any stragglers that seem to be heading towards the shop still. Seeing the one guy point at her, she freezes for a minute, then gives him a half grin, "Yeah I sure do. Ya got somethin' ya wanna say 'bout that." In an instant she realizes that she's likely to end up swapping roles with Sparte since she's now drawn their attention, so she embraces it. "Quit tossin' paint round and get yer heads outta yer arses and quit bein' brats!"

"I said a silver to line up, you deaf bitch's runt," Violet replies with a sneer, and hands each of those who line up two silver each. "You guys are smart. Next we'll go to my headquarters, and you can paint the outdoors under -direction- for 50 silver each. More if you do a good job and clean up any messes well. Another 25 if you help clean up what you did here." She says loudly, making sure the rabble rouser can here. Turning to look at Sparte and Kenna she gestures to the loud mouth, "That one's all yours?" She offers with a smirk and wave.

Kenna checked strength + brawl at difficulty 30, rolling 21 lower.

"Yo! NO!" Kenna calls out when the mouthy one dives at her. She doesn't managed to dodge at all but goes down under him. Now it's time for her to show off her SUPER AWESOME brawling skills, going to grapple with the young adult when he's on top of her. (BTW, it isn't going well.) "I'm going to Paint YOU!" (Most likely not with how this is going.)

"NO I AM GOING TO PAINT YOU!" The man that's now rolling around with Kenna on the ground isn't really going out of his way to hurt her. But he is trying to and succeeding at painting her with brush from a nearby bucket. Splash, splash, splash. There's a few others scattered around from before that didn't go with Violet and they're more than happy to pick up the conversation with Harper. "Yeah, you suck!" And they toss some tomatoes from a box at her.

Harper checked dexterity + dodge at difficulty 30, rolling 1 lower.

Sparte strides on up into the paint, getting red paint on his shoes. He lifts his voice as he does, twirling his staff as he steps forward. "Oy-oy! You bunch of do nothings got a funny hair up your rears? This is a RESPECTABLE community that you're making a slosh of! Red paint, like you think that is clever or something." Sparte makes a face, even doing a little best of the wrist on his free hand. "Lookie us over here, painting the town red. Hehe such a clever prank." Sparte scoffs, looking at them derisively. "You lot arn't fit to paint a barn red. Bunch of featherbrains thinking you're Jayus touched." Sparte raises his hand, shaking a finger at them and finding the perfect annoying tone for lecturing from. "And another thing!" Won't the gods shut him up?

Kenna checked charm + leadership at difficulty 30, rolling 15 lower.

"Hey, I think it's pretty funny!" They call back but the 'and another thing...' has them all staring at him. Even the guy painting Kenna. Someone /does/ hit Harper with a tomato.

"These lot are smart, they're fit to paint a barn," Violet says with a smile for those who followed her. Turning to one of the men behind her she gives him some instructions. "Please go with Corporal Levi, he will get you set up proper for painting. As well as food," She says to those who have joined her. All but two of the Blades go with the 'smart' boys, leading them to the Blades' headquarters to actually be useful and earn silver.

Kenna does her very best to sweet talk the man who is painting her, even as she tries to dodge his stokes against her face. "Go SPARTE!" Kenna calls out when Sparte does that calling thing. She's going to try to push Mr. Painter off of her. "If you wanted a kiss you could just //ask//." To the guy on her.

Harper sputters as she lands a tomato square in the chest, the spatters mixing with the red paint in awful ways. She looks over at the gang of boys and finally losing her patience, she gets ready to run towards them. But eeing them all turn towards Sparte, with their attention distracted, she quickly snatches for whatever closest cans of paint she can find.

"Got a report yesterday about some daft halfwits stealing supplies meant for the Inquisition. Funny thing, they really like red for some reason. Probably hides all the blood from folks what run wrong of them." Sparte looks around at them. "So I figure someone gave you all this paint, and maybe you don't know where it came from exactly." Sparte gives a dismissive gesture. "Excepting maybe the one what brought it. But you lot arn't worried about that, are you?" Sparte learned at some point he doesn't have to be scary, if someone can imagine something else that is scarier. He looks around at the rogue painters, waiting to see who their attention zeros in on as the ring leader.

The Painting Guy is distracted by Sparte and does get knocked off by Kenna this time. Sparte finishes speaking and he looks at the paint and then he looks at Kenna and then he looks at Sparte. "Are you saying this is murder paint?"

Violet wiggles her fingers at the remaining Blades and they spread across some of the exits to the square. Maybe they can help corral any of the brats that stayed, but might try to bolt. For the moment, though Violet moves to lean against a non-painted walll and watch. "It's blood red isn't it?" She calls to the Painting Guy.

They also don't notice Harper taking the cans because they're now very preoccupied with getting arrested by the Inquisition for murderpaint.

Kenna grunts when she's free and she scrambles to her feet again and lurches towards Sparte. Her eyes are on the potatoes as a stupid idea enters her head. If they can't get the paint... Picking up a potato she hefts it, and then throws it a man who has decided that getting picked up by the inquisition is SO NOT WORTH IT.

Kenna checked strength + archery at difficulty 30, rolling 24 lower.

Sparte rests his staff on his shoulder, lifting an eyebrow at the Painting Guy. "I don't know, I just know it is red and someone is going to answer some questions. Teatime in the Inquest, any of you ever heard about that? I hear about it every day. Maybe you arn't guilty of what you get brought in for, but you're guilty of something." Sparte clears his throat. "And if we have to arrest any of you, it'll be the Inquisition who decides what happens after that. Not the Iron Guard. Be a happier day for me if I didn't have to feel guilty later about a bunch of featherbrains. You should want this to be a happy day."

Harper picks up as many cans of paint as quickly as she can, then starts hauling them towards where Violet is standing. She quirks a grin at her as she deposits them so that Violet is between the paint and the boys. "Knock 'em upside the head if they come for these would ya, Commander?" Quickly she heads back over to see if there is any other paint hoping their attention stays diverted for a bit longer.

Teatime with the Inquest?! Several of them pale at that while the Painting Guy seems to be defiantely holding his own. He gets to his feet, watching as a potato lands just in front of him. He looks at Kenna and blows her a kiss. "I think you're full of shit!" He calls back to the Iron Guard Officer. The ones that haven't gone to work for Violet are mulling over their options and one of them breaks. She holds her hands up. "Sir, sir! Please don't send us to the Master of Questions! We just went and bought this paint from a woman in the market. She said she had extra after painting her house! We don't know if it was used in any murders! We just wanted to fuck with some guards. /Please/ don't send us there. We're /really/ sorry."

"Happy to oblige," Violet replies to Harper as she pushes off the side of the building. "It ain't up to me now. You had your chance to step up and get paid," Her eyes turn to the Iron Guardsman. "I'll take you if they let me, but you'll be paid a bit less though you will have full bellies till the works done." Which won't be long, unless they decide to stay on for some of the other simple chores around the Blades Headquarters.

Sparte lets out a long suffering sigh, starting to make a slow and steady path through the red paint towards the one that called him out. No rush, just step after step with his staff resting idle on his shoulder. "It could've been such a happy day." Step by step, drawing closer.

"You know, Sparte." Kenna manages in a rather conversational tone as she sticks her tounge out in return to the man who has blown a kiss at her. "I think I'll send a messenger to Prince Laric //right now//." It's an empty threat, mostly because Kenna keeps on Sparte's heels as he approaches the Paint Guy.

Harper spotting the one that called out to her and hearing him smarting off to Sparte, she tries to maneuver around behind him, both to block him from running off, and to get in a good spot to try to trip him and knock him off his feet if he tries anything more than talking.

Paint Guy looks incensed as his cohorts surrender and give up the fight. "Where are your spines? You're afraid of these Tin Can Guards?! They're /nothing!/" Nothing that he wants to get caught by, he puts a foot behind him and finds Harper at his back.

Harper checked dexterity + brawl at difficulty 15, rolling 15 higher.

Kenna checked dexterity + brawl at difficulty 15, rolling 5 lower.

Sparte checked dexterity + huge wpn at difficulty 30, rolling 30 higher.

Getting clooossseerrr, cloosseerrr, cloooser! DIVE! TRY TO GET HIM! MISS COMPLETELY! WOHO!

Harper watches him step back and a wicked grin crosses her face as she sticks her foot out to trip him and slams her arm towards his ear to smack him upside the head. Having bit her tongue the entire time, trying really hard not to smark off to him she finally gives in, "Learn some sense ya dumbarse! And listen when yer told to stop, ya idiot! Here lemme knock some sense into yer thick skull so maybe next time ya just might think twice before bein' a dumbarse!"

Sparte slips his staff out to clip the ballsy trouble maker in the leg. It is a quick gesture, the edge of the staff never fully leaving his shoulder. If you didn't look you might've missed it, but not the sound of it. The meaty thunk of solid wood arguing with a man's ankle on whether he is standing on it is quite audible. Sparte glances around at the other trouble makers. "You're a polite lot, given the chance. I appreciate that. Give a spot of advice. It is in your favor to clean the windows and whatnot before they're ruined, or else someone who lives here might just tell an Inquisitor what your face looks like." His eyes drop down to Kenna on the ground, a sigh escaping him. "I'm going to need more potatoes." Whatever that means.

"What are you-" That's for Kenna as she lands by Painting Guy's feet. He looks baffled by what just transpired and totally missed Sparte cracking him in the leg with his staff, which sends him tripping over Harper's feet as he goes backwards and THUMP. He's on the ground, holding his leg and groaning because all of that hurt /really/ bad. When Sparte suggests that the rest of them clean up the mess they made, they look from and then they look to Violet and then they look to Painting Guy. Wisely perhaps, they start edging backwards and picking up their implements of destruction. It looks like the fun is over.

Violet crosses her arms and nods approval as she watches the hooligans begin to pick up their mess. "There is a well not far from here, I suggest one of you go get a bucket or two worth," She tells the boys helpfully.

Kenna pushes herself to her feet, brushing herself off as the other two are not completely useless. "Well." There's a throat clearing, "I have had more graceful moments." Kenna looks at her arms which have managed to get splatters of paint on them from her failed attempt at catching a bad guy.

Harper getting an impish gleam in her eyes, she crosses her arms and stares at the boys, calling after them, "Oh and we'll try to put in a good word for ya to the Inquisition if ya do this! But I'd recommend ya don't get in anymore trouble, less ya wanna see 'em on yer doorsteps! They know where to find ya!"

Sparte returns his staff onto the spot on his back, turning to start walking back across the paint to where he left his wagon full of things. He pulls a potato out when he gets there, using it to... Rub the paint off his heels? It works, but that poor potato. "...'Act' the 'mature' thing...every other time I come to the lowers...good impression this make a good impression that...can't even enjoy friendly vandalism..." Sparte has a lot of muttering to himself to do as he gets his potato scrub in.

"Oh, hey! Can I use one of those potatoes!" Kenna sees Sparte, and she's going to see if she can do the same. Because yes.

Sparte gestures to the wagon when Kenna asks, ceasing his muttering. "Help yourself. I trust you can tell the difference between a potato and a beet, don't use a beet."

Kenna checked perception at difficulty 15, rolling 8 lower.

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